February 10, 2010

The Prego Diaries

Warning: This is a pregnancy related post about sensitive (metaphorically & literally) subjects. I do not intend to be crude~ I just have a slightly sarcastic sense of humor. If you know me personally, see me on a regular basis &/or embarrass easily.... well, you have been forewarned.



Livin’ on a prayer…


Constipation. There- I said it. It’s out there to ponder now. I know friends have experienced an array of digestive difficulties during pregnancy: constipation, diarrhea, heartburn, reflux, gas… Kinda sounds like a Pepto Bismal commercial doesn’t it?!? “Nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, diarrhea!” Everyone do the little dance now…


I didn’t realize the extremities I would experience. Like praying for a poo. It’s the little things in life isn’t it? Tell me, would you find it odd to hear the exclamation, “Praise the Lord!” coming from a nearby stall? I’m just curious… Another discovery was a fun little trick my body could play – at any point in time

I could/can more than likely pee or toot. And if I sneeze really hard I pray I don’t do both.


Come to find out, there is of course a reasonable scientific explanation for constipation during pregnancy. Your digestive system slows down to allow more time for your body to absorb vitamins and nutrients. Amazing isn’t it? Honestly though… I would much rather my metabolism stay the same or even speed up and I just eat more often. I mean I can eat one single wrong veggie (unaware to me of course of its upcoming reaction) and suddenly I’m tooting like Thomas the Tank Engine – but pop Fiber products like they’re Valentine’s chocolates and get no results whatsoever. One afternoon, while reading thru an online pregnancy forum I found a question posted concerning when the ‘pooch’ should appear. One woman was wondering because she was relatively early in the pregnancy and hadn’t expected such ‘rounding’ so early. A wise individual simply replied, “Is it baby or is it poo?” Blunt much? But honest…


I did experience constant heartburn for a few weeks. A gift suggestion for a newly prego? Economy size container of TUMS (with calcium of course)- I recommend the tropical flavors. They make the perfect appetizer, dessert and afternoon snack. I’m happy to say the heartburn has died down some; flares up occasionally. But you can guarantee I have TUMS everywhere. Literally. I have a bottle in my purse, a package at my work desk and several rolls tucked in various places around the apartment. I prefer proactive action to reactive.



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4 comments:

Jenna @ Newlyweds said...

Your so funny and its so very true. I never had much constipation but I had enough heartburn to last a life time. I always joke that the boys will have the strongest bones ever due to the vast amount of tums I took during the last few months of my pregnancy.

orrsarah said...

Nothing wrong with being honest! Keep it up! :)

Rachel said...

Too funny! The joys of pregnancy! I've been blessed so far, other than 6 weeks of "all day" sickness I haven't had any other "issues" & almost no heartburn! At 31 weeks (tomorrow) I'm hoping the heartburn won't happen to me!! We shall see...

Morgan said...

Constipation during pregnancy is awful. I hope it lets up soon!