February 2, 2010

The Prego Diaries

Warning: This is a pregnancy related post about sensitive (metaphorically & literally) subjects. I do not intend to be crude~ I just have a slightly sarcastic sense of humor. If you know me personally, see me on a regular basis &/or embarrass easily.... well, you have been forewarned.

Check your girls...

In the beginning, there weren’t many changes for me. I was slightly nauseated – nonstop for a little while, but never actually sick. I was completely exhausted. Nap over lunch. Nap after work. Nap after dinner. Early to bed. Late to rise. Sleep, sleep, sleep! Those little changes didn’t really bother me. There was one, significant change that kinda did though. My boobs decided to take over my body. And without consulting me I might add.

I had heard several people comment to newly announced prego ladies – ahha! I knew your boobs looked bigger! A friend had even mentioned casually once that her nipples were always changing colors. Odd, I thought. Odd indeed.

First they began to grow. I say that as if it was a long process – no. I was warned my boobs would be every changing throughout the pregnancy and to be prepared… I was mislead. This was no “process” – this was an overnight sensation. One morning I woke and they were twice their normal size – I felt like a kid’s novelty sponge. “Hey kids, put this in water and watch your dinosaur grow 5 times!!” Not only that, they were hard. And mad at me. My poor girls seemed to be fighting for their lives, always in pain. Bras hurt. Hugs hurt. The purse strap mildly grazing side boob made me want to cry. They couldn’t even enjoy a shower, the water hurt. I would fall asleep on my back – roll over in the night, and when the two met I awoke in pain. If they touched each other – yep they hurt. This was literally a ‘divide and conquer’ situation.

Next is color and shape. Catching my science experiment tone yet? “Yes doctor, the experiment resulted in varied shapes, texture, density, sensitivity and color. What shall we investigate next? How about little shock waves of pain, like electricity?” I especially felt sorry for my nipples, they changed colors every day bless their hearts. I felt like the horse in Wizard of Oz – one morning brown, one morning red, one morning pink, one morning holy crow did they GROW!?!? My nipples were the size of saucers.

Is it cold in here? No, I’m just pregnant. I remember one evening lamenting to DH- My nipples are hard all. the. time. Cold, warm, didn’t matter. A contributing factor to the constant pain?

One night, during a crazy pregnant enhanced dream (dreams will be another entry!); I awoke in a panic clutching and clawing at my chest. Kinda ewwwie, but I was dreaming my nipples were separating from body. When I woke up – that’s exactly how they felt. Pure terror and pain. I was crying.

I’m glad to say, the boobs are now better. Now, they have not returned to their normal size and there have been no more breast-related nightmares. The color/nipple issue is still a fun little guessing game, but they are much, much better. The nurse did tell me my issues were a good sign. Goodie.

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Julie@comehaveapeace said...

I'm glad they're better. :) And just remember, you will go back to "mostly normal" someday when the whole wonderful process runs its course and you meet your little person. :) I LOVE the name of your blog; some of my sweetest cooking memories and meals served came out of our tiny kitchen in grad school and "just starting out." With cooking AND with the girls, size does not always matter as much as we think it would. ;)

the country cook said...

HAHA! I love it. Well, I mean, I don't love that you cried over your boobs. But I love this entry! I was wondering when you were going to do another one - in fact, I was getting ready to bug you about it on facebook. But you have fulfilled my "craving", so thank you. And now I have one more insight into all of the wonders that I will get to experience someday...yay for me.

Margie said...

Freakin' hilarious! I've had 3 kids, so I feel ya! funny stuff...Off the subject, I just love the strawberries in your new post! I am going to make those with the kids. The kids my boobs went through hell for!

tara jackson said...

Very interesting...I'm curious to find out what happens next...someday this might happen to me!

Karen said...

Oh my goodness. I had lots of freakish things happen to me when I was pregnant. Something would happen and I would read my What to Expect book as fast as I could. Then a sigh of relief that it was "normal". The excess saliva issue was a major pain and I had that with both of my kids. I can relate to the nipple issue. I found that wearing nursing pads was very helpful because it kept me from being embarrassed and showing through my clothing.

Kristen said...

Karen - I never thought of nursing pads! That's a great idea, thank you!